Love is the central theme of many songs, novels and movies. It’s hard to define, but it’s one of the most important emotions in our lives. While it’s a powerful feeling, there are also some challenges. Whether it’s a romantic love, love between family members or friends, or the love of something like your favourite sport team or creative project, we all experience it in different ways.
Love is why you forgive your partner for always being late, why you work so hard on a project that’s nearing completion or why you’re devastated when your favourite team loses. While some psychologists debate the number of types of love, everyone agrees that it is a complex emotion and manifests in many different ways.
It’s also an emotional experience that can change over time. People can fall in and out of love, or feel a range of emotions about the same person – from passion and infatuation to devotion and lust. This is why it’s hard to know when you’re actually in love.
If you can’t stop thinking about someone, your palms are sweaty, you’re craving sex and you’re constantly checking their social media profile, you might be in love. However, you may not be able to recognise those feelings in yourself, especially if you’ve fallen out of love before or it’s been a long time since the last time you felt them. You might only be experiencing a strong physical attraction, in which case it could be lust and not love.
Luckily, there are signs you can look out for to help you determine what kind of love you’re feeling. For example, Sarah says that a common sign is empathy for your partner. Being able to empathise with your partner when they’re stressed or sad is an important part of a healthy relationship. It means that you care about them and want them to be happy, which is definitely a form of love.
Research shows that if you’re in love with somebody, there’s a good chance you’ll see them as an idealised version of themselves. It’s a type of self-deception called denial of reality, and it can make us see our partners in a very positive light, even when they’re flawed or annoying.
Researchers have found that when we’re in love, we get a surge of dopamine, the brain’s ‘feelgood chemical’, and activity in an ancient area of the reptilian core of the brain, known as the ventral tegmental area or VTA. It’s the same area that lights up during a cocaine binge. This suggests that when we’re in love, we’re essentially acting on a natural reward system and it can be addictive. This is why it’s important to be aware of the challenges of falling in and out of love and to keep a clear head about the differences between love, lust and desire. Deakin University provides funding as a member of The Conversation AU.