Love is a complicated feeling that enriches our lives, makes us happy and provides a sense of purpose. It can take different forms, from the bond of family to the camaraderie of friendship to the butterflies of romantic feelings. It can also come in the form of appreciation for a job well done or for a beautiful piece of music.
Despite the vast array of definitions, researchers agree that love involves mutual trust and attachment. It also creates a sense of intimacy and closeness. In the earliest studies, scientists focused on romantic love, but more recent research has broadened the scope to include family, friends, colleagues and even civic institutions and the natural world.
The debate over the nature of love has sparked a variety of arguments, including those that it is merely a chemical reaction triggered by hormones such as oxytocin and neurotransmitters such as dopamine. Other arguments have centered on the way we think about love and the ways it can change throughout the course of a relationship. Biological models tend to see love as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst, while psychology views it as a social and cultural phenomenon influenced by many of the same factors that shape other human behaviors.
A rabbi at the Hadar Institute suggests that it is better to understand love as a practice, rather than a feeling. He says that when you love someone, you commit to caring for them and supporting them in their life goals, and that loving means being willing to make sacrifices for those goals. It also means embracing and celebrating a person’s strengths and vulnerabilities, being honest and authentic, and displaying respect and empathy.
If you view love as a practice, you’ll have more control over it than if you see it purely as a feeling. You can choose to hang out with your friend or spouse and to enact loving values, like empathy and respect, even if you don’t feel all mushy-gushy. And, if you’re in a relationship, it will take more than the disappearance of feelings or a life change to end your commitment.
While you’re in a relationship, the more you share of yourself, the closer your connection will be with your partner. That’s why it’s important to build trust and show a willingness to try new things with each other. For example, you might ask your partner thoughtful questions, listen intently and remember the details of their life to demonstrate your genuine interest. This attentiveness will help you deepen your relationship and build a foundation for lasting love. In addition, you can practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment and practicing gratitude. These simple practices can have a big impact on your mood and will contribute to the happiness of your relationship. Ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that everyone deserves to find and sustain a love that works for them. So start looking for it – with yourself, your friends and your neighbors!