Love may be the most enduring and pervasive human emotion, but its meaning can be elusive. It can also be dangerously misinterpreted — for example, when lust or infatuation masquerade as true love. The good news is that knowing more about the different types of love can help you tell the difference between the right person for you and someone who doesn’t really mean much to you at all.
When people talk about falling in love, it often sounds like a magical experience. The heart race, palms sweat, and fluttering in the stomach are all classic signs of a love connection that can feel truly life-changing.
However, it’s important to remember that there are many different things that can look and feel like love — lust, infatuation and toxic love bombing to name just a few. The best way to determine if you’ve found “the one” is whether or not you can envision yourself spending the rest of your life with them.
If you can’t picture yourself with your partner as a teammate by your side navigating the ups and downs of life together, it’s likely that they aren’t the right person for you. You can also use this test as a way to assess your relationship’s health. If your feelings are primarily focused on sexual gratification and reproduction, you’re probably in a manic phase of love. If your feelings are more pragmatic and grounded in shared interests and values, you’re probably in a pragmatist phase of love. And if your feelings are selfless and rooted in a desire to serve or better the world, you’re probably in an agape phase of love.
According to some experts, love goes through three biologically-defined phases: lust, pragma and agape. These phases are based on unique hormone processes in the brain. Lust is triggered by the release of sex hormones estrogen and testosterone. Pragma is characterized by the desire to be a good companion and friend. Agape is characterized by selfless acts of service and a sense of duty to others.
The type of love you feel can also influence your sense of identity and the way you see the world. Some researchers believe that being in love can expand your sense of who you are, making you more accepting of new experiences and perhaps even open to exploring things that you wouldn’t normally consider. However, this isn’t a reason to be swayed by the whims of your partner and do things that you don’t truly care about.
Other experts, including bell hooks, argue that love has the power to transform entire societies. She contends that the United States is dominated by what she calls “a culture of domination,” in which powerful individuals and groups exploit, marginalize, and dehumanize other people for their own gain. But she believes that a loving community can combat this phenomenon by promoting love and respect for all. When everyone feels loved and valued, they can work together to create a more just and equitable society.