Love is a powerful and pervasive part of our human experience. It’s the inspiration for music, art, poetry, and movies through the ages. It’s what drives us to devote our lives to those we love. It’s the basis of many religious beliefs. And it’s what causes the ups and downs of romantic relationships, from infatuation to marriage and beyond.
While there is no one-size-fits-all definition of love, the word is generally used to describe a positive sentiment or an emotional attachment that differs from mere liking and even from lust. It’s also a complex concept, and its nature and essence are often debated. For instance, the question of whether it entails a distinctive kind of evaluation and how that evaluation makes love different from other personal attitudes is an ongoing source of controversy.
The concept of love has been the subject of many philosophical works, but its nature is not always clearly defined. Theories are sometimes pigeonholed into categories such as “love as union,” “love as robust concern,” and “love as valuing.” It’s important to note, however, that theories classified under one category frequently include, without contradiction, ideas central to other types of love. This oversimplifies the complexity of the concept and leads to excessive pigeonholing.
According to the conventional biological model, love is a mammalian drive similar to hunger or thirst. It is a result of hormones such as oxytocin and neurotrophins, and is triggered by the release of pheromones. This theory, which is supported by many empirical studies, holds that romantic love combines companionate love (emotional closeness) and passionate love (sexual attraction).
Another view of the meaning of love has its roots in evolutionary psychology. It holds that the emotion evolved to keep parents of offspring bonded and committed to their children until they reached sexual maturity.
This view is supported by research that shows that people fall in and out of love as their needs are met or not met by their partner. In fact, the most successful romantic relationships — and the ones that last a long time — are those in which companionate love outweighs passionate love.
For most of us, there will be days — or weeks — when we’re not all mushy-gushy in love. And that’s okay! But as long as we can determine that what we’re experiencing is not simply infatuation, and that we have a good future together, and we’re fostering a sense of intimacy and safety, the love will eventually deepen. It’s worth the wait! The Conversation AU is funded by Deakin University.