Love is an elusive and complex emotion. It can be defined in many ways, from the romantic love between a couple to the love we feel for family members or pets. It can be a feeling of deep affection that makes us want to protect and nurture another person, or it can be a desire to see others succeed—even when we don’t benefit from the outcome. Across cultures and time, philosophers, theologians, and scientists have pondered what love is. In the 20th century, advances in anthropology, psychology, and neuroscience have added to the concept’s understanding.
Merriam-Webster defines love as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” This is a beautiful, but rather vague definition. Many people would argue that the love we have for our parents, our friends, or our pets is a form of love, even though it’s not usually as intense as the love we feel for a spouse or significant other. Some would even go so far as to say that the love we have for our pets is a form of unconditional love.
When it comes to romance, the three main components of love are attraction, lust, and attachment. Clinical psychologist Bobbi Wegner says that when all three of these are present, a person is more likely to fall in love.
Intimacy and compatibility are also important factors in falling in love. People who are compatible and have close bonds with each other can communicate easily, and they can feel at ease in each other’s company. This may be a big reason why so many people fall in love with their coworkers or their own friends.
The feelings of lust and attachment are often accompanied by a sense of wanting to spend time with the person who has captured your heart. This is often referred to as yearning, and it is the opposite of fear or jealousy. The yearning is often accompanied by thoughts of the person constantly, and it can even feel like a physical sensation that occurs when you think of them.
Research has shown that the brain is triggered to produce dopamine when a person falls in love. In one study, Match’s chief scientific advisor, Helen Fisher, put 37 people who were madly in love into an MRI scanner and found that the areas of the brain associated with motivation, focus, and craving—the ventral tegmental area—light up when a person is in love.
In addition to feeling attracted and lustful, the act of loving someone involves doing things for that person. Behaviorally, this means doing acts of service for them, such as making them dinner, taking out the trash, or buying them gifts. Other forms of showing love include sending thoughtful cards or letters, giving them a gift that is meaningful to them, or giving them a physical touch. The most important thing to remember about these different ways of loving is that they are all part of the same love.